MinisterNeecy's Cancer Blog

How Long is too Long to Grieve?

Hello everybody,

It's been about a year since I've posted but I see names that have been here since before I first joined Blog for a Cure in July of 2010. Boy, how time flies. It's been a journey but I know I have no right to complain. My roles throughout all of this were limited to a daughter, sometimes caretaker, and best friend to those I've lost along the way. Lord knows, "I had no idea what was waiting for me up ahead in my life."

When I first stumbled on this site, (July of 2010), I was so excited. The reason, because for the first time, after about 2 years of mom's passing, which was due breast cancer, I had finally found people who truly understood what I was going through. Who knew the journey toward darkness was just beginning. Blog for a Cure has been here for me through the passing of at least 12 close relatives since mom died, and 8 of them died from some form of cancer.

The good news is that they were all fighters. Mom had been given a prognosis of no more than (5) years to live, which turned out to be about (11) years.

Dad had prostate cancer, but he was also 84 years old when he left us.

So, that said, "I just don't understand why I'm still grieving."

How long is too long to grieve? That's a statement not actually a question.

To put it bluntly, I'm drained from grieving. The kicker is, "I just realized what the problem was."

I've finally accepted a reality that I've been rejecting for years.

While my perception may be dramatic, an overkill or overly theatrical, I can't make myself feel another way. Basically, I feel all alone, even though I'm not. Surely I'm not the only one in the worlds whose witnessed cancer snuff the breath out of a mother, father, and two sisters, plus live to talk about it. Perhaps my grief is exasperated even more because mom, dad, and my two sisters are not the only loved ones who've left me here to fin for myself emotionally.

Now that I've gotten that out, I don't think I need to list the others, because doing so would only embolden this restless spirited body of grief that seems to know my heart by name. Okay, the good thing is that I'm not as pitiful as I sound.

Furthermore, God gives me solace whenever I get like this. Tonight He reminded me of you guys, the people who never judge, always show compassion and are so genuine.

Forgive me if I made the post too much about me and how I'm feeling. My intent was not to snatch light from those who may need it more than me.

Thank you guys for always being here.

My prayers are with all of you. I may not visit regularly but I think of you often. May God continue to give you courage, hope and faith that in Him all things are possible?

It is important to understand that the Father does not always work things out the way we planned for them to work out.

Likewise, he puts people in our lives to be a beacon throughout life. Mom used to say "God sends you to a lot of places before He puts you where He wants you to be."

Know that the places referenced in this bit of wisdom do not necessarily represent physical places."

Where one's head and heart is when God sends his helpers is just as important as where you live.

 

 

Joyce In NC sent you a prayer.
Joyce In NC, Olga sent you a hug.
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Hi Neecy. I am really glad to see you come back here. Grief is one of the hardest emotions to deal with, IMO. My dad will be gone 40 years on March 9th. and I still grieve his loss, so I understand what you are saying. I am sorry you have had so many losses in your life. It seems to me, however, that despite all that, you continue to have faith and I think faith can get us through anything. I love your quote "God sends you to a lot of places before He puts you where He wants you to be." I truly believe that. May God bless you as you continue to be there for those who need you in their life. And I thank you for remembering those of us on BFAC.
MinisterNeecy likes this comment
Hey Smurf, Thank you for your continued kindness and compassion. Thank you guys for always being here when I need you most. I'm sorry about your dad but you are blessed to have those memories. You are so right, grief is one of the hardest emotions to deal with. Additionally, everybody grieves differently. Nobody can tell another person how to grieve, how grief will ultimately affect them or how long it will last. Even so-called experts on grief can't honestly answer these questions, they can only provide general responses, and guidance. May God continue to bless you and those here on BFAC as well.
Smurf likes this comment
Thank you, Neecy!
♫ Happy Birthday to you ♫
♫ Happy Birthday to you ♫
♫ Happy Birthday dear. Minister Neecy ♫
♫ Happy Birthday to you ♫
♫ Hope you have a beautiful, blessed and fun day ♫
♫ Love and Hugs ♫
♫ Joyce ♫I
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Now What?

Here lately I've been feeling like I don't know what to do with myself, like I lost my best friend all over again. In fact, it has gotten so bad that I decided to take a break from school. I don't think that I gave myself enough time to properly grieve. For the last year and a half I've been taking accelerated classes in persuit of a degree in ministry. My sister was my go-to-person when I needed advice, to vent or help. Before she passed away on May 26th, she was two classes away from graduating with a Doctorial degree in english. We used to tease each other about being old college students. Of course she was way ahead of me. I am only a sophmore. 

My sister actually called me two times on the day that she called me about coming to Atlanta to be with her. When she called the first time she was telling me how God had spoken to her about making going to school an idol. She said He told her that she had become too "obsessed" with getting degrees. And, said there was no degree that she could get that would assure that she would make much more money than she was already making. My sister started talking about all the time she missed playing with her grand kids, doing thing things that didn't involve working and sitting in front of a computer. She finally said, "I quit school today." I was shocked! She also said, "I just can't do this anymore." I replied,"good!" It's time for you to chill, you've paid your dues. 

The thing is, I believe that my sister began to transition months before she passed. Perhaps I should have paid closer attention to her words. But, even if I had, what would that have changed? 

Well, I guess I'll try to get some sleep. 

 

3 people sent you a prayer.
3 people sent you a hug.
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I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. She sounds like a beautiful person, inside and out. Now is the time for you to take care of yourself and make the journey through the grieving process. You seem like a very passionate and motivated person, and the ministry degree will still be there for you to finish once you take some time for self care. Best wishes and prayers are with you.
MinisterNeecy likes this comment
Thank you Katy. I know your message was posted months ago but I just saw it and want you to know how appreciative I am. I'm trying to take care of myself better but still struggling with the grief aspect.
Your post is very insightful. The person who is dying goes through the same grieving process before death that we go through after they have passed. Our minds are very complex, even when we don't know what to feel, it tells us.

You have been such a loving and caring sister, please be good to yourself. God has called on you to be her helper and you have done a wonderful job.

Please stay in touch, your story is helpful to me and I'm sure many others. Hugs
MinisterNeecy likes this comment
Thank you Deborah, You guys were on my mind tonight, Thank you for caring.
I love you Minister Neecy... You know God is with us every step of the way and if it is time you need to heal then it is what you should do... You know God is your biggest supporter and will lead you where you need to be... that is for sure.. I will be keeping you in my prayers bug hugs and love and always prayers Sabina
Thank you Sabina. It is time for me to take time to heal, I recently realized that. So, I gave myself permission. I love you too, and thanks for the kind words.
May God bless you as you continue through the grieving process.
MinisterNeecy likes this comment
Thank you.
Smurf likes this comment
♫ Happy Birthday to you ♫
♫ Happy Birthday to you ♫
♫ Happy Birthday dear Minister Neecy ♫
♫ Happy Birthday to you ♫
♫ Have a beautiful and blessed day ♫
♫ Love and Hugs ♫
♫ Joyce ♫
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Vital Info

Posts

July 26, 2010

Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411

February 11, 1957

Cancer Info

Breast Cancer

IBC Inflammatory Breast Cancer

February 25, 2015

Stage 3C

Yes

Yes

There's No Cure!

That it's not a respector of persons.

Support, encourage, share & educate

Let me pray for you!

Pray for strength in times of weakness.

Skin mets, lymph node involvement

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